Day/Theme: August 17th / I am inside someone who hates me
Character/Pairing: Ryuuken, Uryuu
Spoilers: recent chapters of the manga
(his father´s practice is full of books he wants to touch; to touch and feel their thick spine and then skim through the pages, getting papercuts, just like when he was a little boy and spent hours in silence buried in a big chair, while his father studied a patient´s case; his mouth would fill with words he didn´t understand but he was sure that if he asked his father he would tell him, because his father knew everything)
"You don´t have a phone?"
Uryuu enters without turning on the lights, familiarity guiding him through the shadows, and Ryuuken just stands there, by the doorframe, holding his coat and his umbrella, back to the wall.
He doesn´t particularly look like he is waiting for Uryuu to answer, he has a tense and disinteresed look on his face.
The boy turns on a small lamp by the bed and sits, and reflects how he is damping the floor with his wet hair. He didn´t have an umbrella. His father doesn´t move, but he seems subtly relaxed by the light -it´s in his shoulders, how they comfortably press against the wall now, in his fingers and how they loose grip off the coat just a bit but not off the umbrella, how the lines on his face do not look so hard.
"I said I was going to do it," Uryuu begins, and it all begins, "but I´m not going to do it."
Ryuuken doesn´t ask what he is talking about. He thinks about the phone that it´s not there, and should be. He thinks about all the things that should be but are not.
There is noise from a couple of drunken men outside. It seems to deepen the silence for a moment.
(his father´s practice smells like that part of his childhood he thought he had forgotten, or got over, or somewhere in between.
his father tells him to show his hands -the tone is professional and the hands examining his are cold-
"there are some books here i can lend you, at least you should be studying anatomy already."
"i don´t know if i´ll be a doctor yet."
"of course you are going to be a doctor." his father presses his thumb against the line of life, the wounds seems to be healing fine. "look at these hands. they are a surgeon´s hands. a musician´s hands. they are a renaissance artist´s hands.")
"I said I´d stay away from shinigamis but..."
He looks down at his hands, open-palmed, slightly shaking and white from the cold, and wonders where the words came from. Where the courage came from.
(then he remembers, of course -he remembers deserted school hallways and how they suddenly, abruptly filled and those who filled it; it happened suddenly and at the same time in waves, slowly; how he went from quincy archer hates you to not bearing the though of Kurosaki outside his life, how the crazy babbling of Orihime haunts down his teen hormones, even Chad and his silences, Tatsuki and her attitude, Keigo and all the others and the bad jokes and the lunches on the rooftop and the laughter -it´s been years since there´s been laughter in his life- and that world he had only glimpsed before and that now was also his)
"...I might end up wounded, or dead. But I can´t go back to that loneliness."
Ryuuken pretends he hasn´t heard, or he doesn´t care, or he doesn´t have anything to say back to that.
"I hate you for making me choose."
Ryuuken pretends he hasn´t heard and Uryuu finds it oddly relieving.
"You should have a phone," he says to no one in particular, his knuckles softly tapping against the window, with a rhythm, like they followed a song. "You should have found a way to afford a phone."
And Uryuu doesn´t even think how it´s his father the one who should have bought him a phone, that it´s his responsability; he never thinks in those terms.
(in his fantasy Ryuuken stops tapping his fingers to the window glass; he sighs and puts on his coat, like he is about to do something he doesn´t really want to do, but knows he should. he motions towards his son and says "come on" in an almost exasperated manner, but not with his usual indifference.
"where are we going?" Uryuu aks and in the fantasy he looks up with those big, watery, incredibly pure and brave eyes that make Ryuuken want to smile, but even in his fantasy he doesn´t.
"to buy you a cell phone."
and Uryuu starts to protest that there´s no shop open this hour of the night but his father takes him by the hand -you have a surgeon´s hand, a musician´s, an artist´s- and drags him across the room, down the stairs, across the street -they pass the two drunks by-.
and in Ryuuken´s fantasy Uryuu doesn´t mind anymore if the shops are open or not.)