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Title: unfortunately
Day/Theme: 8 jan // "a little night music"
Series: ouran high school host club/eyeshield 21 (crossover)
Character/Pairing: hiruma, the host club
Notes: rating is pg-13 (with hiruma, what else!) ohman, kyouya  vs. hiruma, i don't even know who'd win





          One class into his first day, and Hiruma Yuichi had already made several students of fragile constitutions break down by a combination of sheer terror and fits of hysteria.
 
     This, did, in fact have a direct effect on the Host Club. The clients required more attention and comfort than ordinary, and in any similar situation, the King, Tamaki, would've risen magnificently to the occasion and taken them in with his loving arms.

     Except their king was currently locked into fetal position in his "Doom and Misery" corner of the room, after having such an encounter with the new student earlier that day.
 
            "Kyouya," Kaoru and Hikaru whispered urgently to the Kyouya, who, despite his outwardly unruffled façade, was working on the daily finances (the ratio of clients-to-teacakes was staggeringly high, he was trying desperately not to shake) with careful concentration.
 
 "Kyouya," the twins persisted, "where is Haruhi? There are too many clients and not enough of us!"

     "I...am unaware of her whereabouts." Kyouya confessed after a pause, almost embarressed, and quickly assumed smart leadership with the husband huddled into a pitiful mass by the wall. "You two will have to quit the double act for today and take on separate clients. Honey, go take those 5 girls by the door and charm them with the remaining biscuits and tea at that far table -- but mind, I am counting. And-- ah, Mori, the man of the hour. Your strong and silent presence will be the most comforting for clients in this situation-- go towards the couch, your clients should follow as they wish."
 
     It seemed as if the situation was salvageable. Kyouya looked on approvingly as the twins enterprisingly lightened the customers' attitudes with witty charm and good humours. Honey enraptured the females around him in a gluttonous mood of consuming the few cakes left, and Mori simply sat there and they swooned.

  "There's Haruhi!" shouted Hikaru, sounding a bit annoyed. Tamaki glanced up, looking marginally happier, which immediately crumbled away into a look of terror and agony when the door opened after Haruhi to reveal a grinning demon.
 
      "Everyone," Haruhi began, but was interrupted by a hail of gunfire.

 "THERE ARE NO BOYS IN THIS FUCKING SCHOOL," Hiruma cackled, mid-reloading the cartridge (clients took this chance to either run like mad or swoon dead away, preferably into Mori or the twins' laps) "SO FUCKING IMPOSTER ("That's me," Haruhi informed breezily) TOOK ME HERE." Hiruma paused now, and exchanged distrustful looks with Haruhi. "I don't see any-- oh!" His face twisted into a terrifying grin again upon seeing Mori rise from the couch.
 
     "YA  HA~" The marble ceiling began crumbling down as Hiruma took up the machine gun again. Haruhi suddenly tackled him, straddling his sides ("RAGHH," the twins began to charge) while hugging the gun to her chest.

 "That's quite enough, Hiruma!" Haruhi said sharply. "And, ugh, look, you shot sempai!"

Tamaki let out a pitiably long moan from somewhere by the wall.

     Kyouya's hands were moving faster than the eye could perceive as he calculated the damages. He adjusted his glasses as he relayed the damages matter-of-factly:

  "Damages to 3/4 of the Music Room's wall, floor, and general paneling structure. Furniture in irreparable condition.
Baby grand piano resembling more a wreckage of broken wood than a finely made classical instrument. Clients' desertion and severe psychological trauma. One host club member shot."

Tamaki moaned again.

      "But it's alright, isn't it?" said Haruhi. "Hiruma can simply pay off his debt by working in the host club like I did!"

  All present company stared at Haruhi as if she had uttered a death curse.

         "YA-HA, THAT'S RIGHT." Hiruma lazily slung an arm around Haruhi's shoulder as he revealed a small black book from his pants pocket. Kyouya suddenly froze upon perceiving it, and when he looked up straight at the devil's face, Hiruma leered and cackled knowingly at him.
 
     "AND IN RETURN, ALL YOU FUCKING FANCY PROSTITUTE CLUB BOYS WILL JOIN THE AMERICAN FOOTBALL CLUB."



*

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
sangoire
Jan. 14th, 2007 10:34 pm (UTC)
God, I would pay good money to see Kyouya vs. Hiruma. It would be terrifying, and possibly it might change the world. :D Somuchlove!
intercido_erro
Jul. 12th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
as would I, though I believe Hiruma would win ^_^*
shukuun
Jan. 15th, 2007 02:29 am (UTC)
Oh god. This is just awesome. Hahahaa, I love this. The whole thing is very very fun. X3

FUCKING FANCY PROSTITUTE CLUB BOYS
Oh Hiruma, ♥ *snickers*
xparrot
Jan. 15th, 2007 03:20 am (UTC)
BWAHAHAH.

(got here from tomomichi and man, too perfect! I love fucking imposter Haruhi's utter usual calm!)
qem_chibati
Jan. 15th, 2007 04:18 am (UTC)
*glee*

This is an awesome showdown. =D <3
dream_couturier
Feb. 18th, 2007 02:27 am (UTC)
awesome man. waaaay awesome. i cant get over the "FUCKING FANCY PROSTITUTE CLUB BOYS" bit. and the host club boys in the football team. tamaki: "swoon attack"
key_revolution
Mar. 6th, 2007 02:45 am (UTC)
I now NEED more hiruma host club goodness.

PWEASE?

*puppy eyes*
juin
May. 24th, 2007 01:49 pm (UTC)
That last line WINS ALL. ♥
flitshadowflame
Jul. 22nd, 2008 06:40 am (UTC)
lol - I didn't understand this fic until something like two months after I read it the first time. Having actually WATCHED Ouran now, it makes a lot more sense ^.^
hokuton_punch
Apr. 23rd, 2014 02:05 pm (UTC)
HELP I'M DYING THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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